Paul, an Intro
The summer of ’95 was transformative for me. I was about as happy as I can ever remember being a teenager. The transition from Little League to Babe Ruth, which meant 60 foot, 6 inch pitching distances and much larger fields and bats had been relatively smooth. I had picked up a little height, some body mass, was athletic. I had experimented with a shaved head the year before and found that it wasn’t for me and my hair had grown back. After seventh grade ended, I had beautiful days of summer baseball ahead of me.
I made the Babe Ruth 13 year old Allstar team and we trounced our way through Districts. We were heading to the State tournament and it was then that the summer began to deteriorate. After one of the games, I was pulled aside and told that my good friend and neighbor, Jared Wager had drowned in a boating accident. We did end up winning the tournament and I had a game-decisive hit against Paul Richie who later would play for the Oregon State Beavers, but Jared’s death overshadowed the excitement I was feeling playing baseball.
I guess baseball was what kept me focused that summer. Up next we had the Regional tournament in Bellingham and I remember talking with my dad about winning that tournament and then going to the World Series in Raleigh, North Carolina. He said he wasn’t going to make the trip if we did win, but I figured he was simply just not ready to commit. I was betting that when push came to shove, he would have gone. But, it never got that far. My dad passed away on Aug. 1 from a heart attack and after the funeral, I went on up to Bellingham. We did win the Regional tournament and we did go to the World Series in North Carolina. There, one of the most tragic plays of my baseball career occurred, but that’s not what this blog is about.
My life changed that summer unbeknownst to me in that my mom started dating this swell guy named Paul. My mom and dad had been divorced for about a year and my dad had already started dating this lovely woman named Colleen who was just perfect for him. When my mom began dating Paul, I thought things were really looking up as both my parents had found their true life partners.
As it turned out, this Paul guy was pretty darn cool. For one thing, he had been a WSU grad with a degree in English and Asian Studies. And he had been in a band and did a music video to this really cool song that he wrote titled “I’m Just a Reptile for Your Love”. He had been a bit of a hippy in the seventies and had traveled quite a bit throughout Mexico and Washington State. And he liked reading and he turned me on to a ton of really darn cool books like the complete short stories of Sherlock Holmes and The Lord of the Rings. He also knew what a good movie was—like The Big Lebowski.
He was an adventurous guy and truth be told, my mom had a bit of spirit within her, but raising us kids, she wasn’t allowed to let it out all too much. When she met Paul, he opened the door for her a bit. At the tender age of 40, she began hiking the Pacific Crest Trail, learned how to downhill ski, learned how to scuba dive and became a master diver, and traveled all over the world. All because Paul was interested in those things and wanted a partner to do them with.
I remember as a teen thinking this guy Paul was freaking cool. I mean, he had all sorts of hobbies and interests: music, books, travel, scuba diving, hiking, skiing, wine…the list goes on. And he came from a generation that knew how to work on cars, household plumbing and electrical stuff—just, not appliances. I remember one time my mom and I were out sitting on the backyard deck next to the pool when we heard a rumble coming from the kitchen. Next thing we knew, Paul came flying out the back door with a coffee machine in his hands. That coffee machine next knew what it was like to fly—into oblivion. Mom and I just giggled under our breaths. Perhaps it wasn’t so funny at the time, but she makes a good memory.
Paul became my buddy over the years. He was the guy I could always go to talk about life, and there were plenty of those talks. When my mom passed away in 2016, her death hit Paul, myself and my sister very hard. I don’t know if any of us knew exactly how to grieve. But, we knew we had to stay together. We were family. We are family.
I guess I write this because I’ve been thinking about grief and loss and my novel, Occhi Belli, which should be released relatively soon, tries and tackles different ways people go through grief. See, my dad passed away suddenly and swiftly and the family never had a chance to say goodbye. My mom fought cancer for 8 years so despite cancer being a terrible disease, I try and stay gracious in that I had 8 years of knowing that it’s important to always make the time to see my loved ones.
Paul will be in my life forever. But he became my buddy and then he became my dad. And he always will be. I only have fond memories with you my friend. Love ya big guy.