To be busy is man’s only happiness

A quote from Mark Twain. To be busy is man’s only happiness. Lethargy is the killer of motivation. I’ve been trying to get my new restaurant up and running, but one thing after another is stymieing the process. Construction takes times. Water rot takes time to address. Health department rules and regulations take time to assuage. As I’m going about this process of opening Occhi Belli, anxiety is flowing through me so much that I find I cannot do other things that normally I would undertake to enjoyment, like writing a new story or book. No, I find myself fidgeting on the couch thinking of all the things I should or could be doing.

Being busy for me is the key to my own happiness. A bored Tim is a terrible Tim. I desperately need this restaurant to open and take over a good portion of my life. Why? Because for me it’s moving towards a goal, it’s providing a daily purpose. And in doing that, it will allow me to move towards another goal, writing my next novel. The two are entwined.

This last month has been a whirlwind of emotions. When my dad died in 1995, my mom’s boyfriend at the time, Paul Leslie Tompkins, was becoming my friend. And eventually I came to look at him as my dad and he looked at my sister and me as his kids. For 31 years, we were together in some capacity. Paul and I especially had a wonderful relationship. He gave me books to read, music to listen to, advice on life’s peculiarities. He was my buddy, my pal, my dad.

Paul passed away from prostrate cancer on Feb. 28th of this year after failing to make it into a cancer trial at Fred Hutch. It came to us as a shock as we truly believed he would make it into the trial and that the trial would be successful. And then suddenly, he was discharged, sent home to spend the next three days in hospice at home before passing away peacefully at 3:30 in the afternoon of the 28th surrounded by his loved ones.

I cannot fully explain how the last two weeks of his life impacted my own life. Since my near sobriety, I’ve been more present in my life and others’ lives as well. And I am forever grateful I was able to be with Paul in the capacity that I was when he needed help through that amazing transition from life to death. Holding your father’s hand as he passes into the next realm is something truly incredible. It still shakes me thinking of it a month later.

The experience changed me. As I feel more connected to that other side, I’ve also felt a sense of sadness because certainly I am closer to that side than to my youth.

There is much to do in my life. I’m opening a restaurant. My novel, Occhi Belli, is set to be released on June 4th of this year. I’m brainstorming for my next novel. Planning some other business ventures. Life is busy. I am happy. I’m happy at the future with touches of lethargy and anxiety mixed in. I’m okay with that for now as I believe the future is bright.